Thursday, December 1, 2016

Be Still And Know...

One of the most difficult things that a person can be asked to do is wait. I can say personally that waiting has never been a strong suit of mine. Anything that required me to think it through and make the best decision possible seemed a herculean task; not because I didn't have the intelligence, but because I made my decisions from my heart rather than my head.

Heart versus head, it's an age old battle, there are countless examples in literature, fiction and non-fiction. I think all of us can gives examples from out own lives, some more than others. The question I ask myself is when will I ever get it right?

My personality as a child was filled with contradictions. On the outside I was shy, painfully so, but on the inside I wanted to do and see everything! How do you reconcile those two parts of yourself? As I grew older, I knew that I should take my time and give serious thought to life's decisions, but try as I might, I would lean towards the impulses of my heart. Making decisions like that is always going to be a crap shoot, sometimes it yields a positive outcome and sometimes not.

I've had to learn that I needed help, that I need someone that I can trust implicitly to guide me in my decision making, that someone is God. It's awesome really, when you realize that God created our intellectual mind AND our emotional heart; then you realize that only God can reconcile how they work together.

Psalm 46:10 - Be still, and know that I am God: 
I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

But first we need to be still...stillness, patience, and waiting.....they're all connected.

Psalm 27:14 - Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

In those timeless words of Invictus, "I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul." This implies that we are in control of our lives that the outcomes are the direct result of what we alone choose to do. I know, you think I'm going to say that this is false, that as Christians, our lives are in God's hands, but first we have to choose to put them there. The word says, "Choose you this day whom you will serve." Once we do that, then we yield to His will, this means that sometimes we're going to have to wait for His answer, or for Him to show us which way to go. What does this mean, it means hands off! 

When we try and make decisions without God's direction, we're either going to over intellectualize, or we're going to just jump into something because of our emotions. God knows the desires of our hearts, but He also knows what we need. God's plan for us will not only fulfill us emotionally, it will be the path that's in our best interest in the long run,

Look, I know it's tempting. We want to take charge and meddle, we try and push God along....but what happens? Inevitably we screw things up! THAT's why God says, " of good courage." It might be daunting, but the rewards will be matchless!

So what ever your waiting on, just know that you can thank God in advance because He's already worked it out. Embrace the process and trust.

Much Love,


Thursday, September 8, 2016

Remnants Of An Evolution can't be tasted, smelled, touched, or heard; but it can be seen if we know where to look.  We can see the sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle trail that it leaves behind. When we still ourselves long enough, it can be felt, not by our hands, but by our souls.

Mirrors have always held a fascination for me. I have no clue why they just did. Before I was tall enough to stand and see myself in the bathroom mirror, I would shimmy up and sit on the sink. I would sit there and look at myself for what seemed like hours. I don't think it was about vanity, it was as if I was studying myself, trying to see beyond the outside of myself. I would stare into my own eyes, memorizing them, the imaginings of a child racing through my mind.

I would also watch my Mom when she would be getting dressed for work and would be looking in the mirror. In my child eyes my Mother was the most beautiful of all the Mothers on the planet! Isn't that how we think as children? As time has moved on I've watched the changes in her face and in her physical form, just as I have watched the changes in mine. I watched her once bright eyes turn slightly blood shot, the ever darkening circles under her eyes, gray  hairs, wrinkles. I'll be honest with you, I found myself thinking, "I don't want that to happen to me".

Now, we are years down the road and I am a mother myself. Today I look at my mother and she is just as beautiful to me as she was when I was a child, even more so. I understand now that every change to her physical form is simply an outward manifestation of the blessings that God has given to her.

Her blood shot eyes came from years as working as a nurse, 11 pm to 7 am, coming home to get us ready for school, grabbing a few hours sleep and then going to school herself to work on her BSN degree. In between all of that she found a way to take us to dance classes, cheer leading practices, and track practices. My Mom never complained, she always had a smile for us, and the patients that she cared for.

Then came the grey hair, her beautiful silver white hairs. My Mom always says that her grey hairs are symbols of the "wisdoms" that God has gifted her with over the years of her life. (She'll be 83 this year. She wouldn't mind me telling you.) Then there are the wrinkles, facial road maps of her emotions. When you look at her face you can see remnants of the first smile that she had when she saw her babies for the first time, when she saw us take our first steps, when we graduated from High School and College, when she became a Grand Mother. There are worry lines as well...worrying about us when we started hanging out with friends, when we started driving, dating *laughing*.

I look at myself in the mirror and I see the same changes in me that I saw in her. At first I thought what little physical appeal I may have had was fading, that I just needed to accept it and move on. Now, I know that I have been blessed. I am running the race that God has set my feet upon and the changes in me like those in my Mother are simply the physical manifestations of that race. I know why my eyes are always a bit blood shot and have bags under them that won't go away, why I have silver white hairs that are starting to take over the front of my hairline. But more than that, I realize that the beauty that I see in my Mother I will someday see in my own reflection.

Much Love,


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Just a Little While Longer

Believe it or not I started this post on May 10, of this year (2016) All I had saved to the draft was the title "Just a Little While Longer". I have no clue as to what thoughts/emotions were twirling around in my head at the time. The funny thing is that I find myself, here on August 24th, three months later give or take feeling the exact same way.

Just a little while longer...I think I started saying this to myself after my ex-husband left. I can't remember if it was the same day, probably not, but more than likely within the first week or so; probably after the shock wore off and the pain really kicked in. Just a little while longer has become my mantra for when I'm "in the waiting". (In the waiting is what I like to call that place in your life where you're waiting on something or someone).  With regards to my ex, I would be thinking that in "just a little while longer" all the hurt feelings that I would would one day be gone. I knew It wasn't going to happen right away, but I also knew if I waited just a little while longer I would get there.

“For a while" is a phrase whose length can't be measured. At least by the person who's waiting.” 
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

What I've come to realize, is that I have gotten myself into a place where it seems that my life is beginning to pass in a series of "Just a little while longers".  First is was, "just a little while longer" and I'll be over my ex (did that *whew*), then it was "Just a little while longer" and I'll finish my Master's degree (did that *happy dance*), then it was "Just a little while longer" and I'll find a new job (got laid off last year in January. I got a new job that February *praising God*).

Now I've entered into another period of waitings...waiting for God to bless me with a job that will financially allow me to me the needs of my family...and waiting for God to bring me that somebody special just for me. (Seriously praying that it's in God's plans for me to have a special someone). I know that what I'm waiting for may not sound like things worth waiting on to you, but they are to me; just as your waitings are unique and meaningful to you.  The problem is that I've allowed myself to stop living and enjoying life. I've been so focused on what I want rather than what I have!

“Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts.”

― Elisabeth Elliot

It's cool to know where we want to go in life, or what we want, but we also have to live in the now and be thankful for what is right in front of us. It's appreciating the beauty of every single day that gives us strength for the journey, and knowing that we'll get there. It might just take a little while longer.

Much love,


“Wait on the Lord" is a constant refrain in the Psalms, and it is a necessary word, for God often keeps us waiting. He is not in such a hurry as we are, and it is not his way to give more light on the future than we need for action in the present, or to guide us more than one step at a time. When in doubt, do nothing, but continue to wait on God. When action is needed, light will come.” 
― J.I. Packer, Knowing God

Thursday, May 5, 2016

A Day Of Fangirling! Lovin' On Some Chayanne

Hola Mi Gente! It's been a long time since I've had a serious Chayanne Fangirl moment! Today my dear Sister Friend Corazon-Nadeshiko @Bailarinajp started sharing new Chayanne pics that she creates. They're just the right size for the background image for your phone, your FB page, your Twitter page, or you desktop. Yes Sister Gurl your original works of art are stunning! Anyhoo, it fanned the flames of my Chayanne Fangirl side. Mind you I said flames not embers, you see, I have quite a few celebrity hotties that I fancrush on, but none of them compare to the Papichulo that started it all, Chayanne.

I brought a formal end to Pandora's Caja, a fan blog dedicated to Latin Mega Star, Chayanne, but I knew that I would write about about him again. How could I not! Have you seen this man? If you haven't just take a peek at the pictures below and you will definitely see what all the fuss is about. How do I tie this in with my love of all things romance? Well, the way that I see it, readers first fall in love with the cover, and specifically the male hottie on the cover. Every time I see a  new picture or image of Chayanne surface I am more and more convinced that he should be the leading man in everyone.


Ok, maybe not every one, but the vast majority. So while I hold fangirl crushed on Idris Elba, Sam Heughan, Richard Madden, and Jason Momoa (Oh yes they all make me break out in a serious case of the sweats), Chayanne will always reign supreme!

Much Love~

 - As a side note, these same hottie crushes are all on my dream list to be included in the making of J.R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood the Movie, if there is ever one made; which there definitely should be. J.R., please consider my above crushes for Brothers, thank you, that is all.

Friday, April 22, 2016

The Beautiful Ones - A Personal Tribute to The One and Only Prince

There are very few things that shock me it desensitization, media overexposure, or whatever the term of the day maybe, but the news of Prince's death yesterday was totally unfreakin' believable!

While I'm not going to go as far as to say that he was the only artist that has had a profound influence in my life, I can definitely say that he was among the top three out of five.

He was my first "Big Girl Crush", Ladies you know what I'm talking about. At only 5'2'" tall, Prince packed a whole of raw sexy in that little androgynous body of his! He oozed sexuality in a way that no one else could. He made you want to take a walk on the wild side. If you were at a dance and one of his songs came on, only people who were really diggin' on each other would slow dance to Prince, because that music was pure naughty!

But more than being walking sex, Prince truly was a pioneer in the music industry. There was nothing like him out there, and there still isn't. Most adults didn't know how to deal with him. I remember watching an episode of the Phil Donahue show and they were picking apart "Little Red Corvette" telling parents that this music was dangerous because it was full of sexual innuendos. Parents might not have liked him, but we LOVED him! He spoke to us, we understood the language that he was speaking.

Yes, I've been listening to his music non-stop since yesterday, but the the funny thing is, his music has always been a staple on my playlists. My Playlist titled "Grown Folks Music" is chock full of Prince as well as a few select others. Btw, if you have to ask me what "Grown Folks Music" is, that means you're too young to know.

I can listen to a Prince song and tell you where I heard it the first time, who I slow danced with on that song, and who my steady was at that time. I'm proud to say that I was there from the beginning.

Thank you Prince...thank you for giving me so many wonderful memories. Thank you for staying true to yourself, thank you teaching us that we didn't have to conform to be successful, thank you for putting into words the language of our hearts.

Rest now with God my Brother...the next time I see purple hues in the sunset, I'll be thinking of you.

Much Love


Baby, baby, baby
What's it gonna be
Baby, baby, baby
Is it him or is it me?
Don't make me waste my time
Don't make me lose my mind baby

Baby, baby, baby
Can't you stay with me tonight
Oh baby, baby, baby
Don't my kisses please you right
You were so hard to find
The beautiful ones, they hurt you every time

Paint a perfect picture
Bring to life a vision in one's mind
The beautiful ones
Always smash the picture
Always every time

If I told you baby
That I was in love with you
Oh baby, baby, baby
If we got married
Would that be cool?

You make me so confused
The beautiful ones
You always seem to lose

Baby, baby
Baby, baby
Baby, baby
What's it gonna be baby?

Do you want him?
Or do you want me?
Cause I want you
Said I want you
Tell me, babe

Do you want me?
I gotta know, I gotta know
Do you want me?
Baby, baby, baby
Listen to me

I may not know where I'm going (babe)
I said I may not know what I need
One thing, one thing's for certain baby
I know what I want, yeah
And if it please you baby
Please you, baby
I'm begging down on my knees
I want you
Yes I do
Baby, baby, baby, baby
I want you

Yes I do