Thursday, December 1, 2016

Be Still And Know...

One of the most difficult things that a person can be asked to do is wait. I can say personally that waiting has never been a strong suit of mine. Anything that required me to think it through and make the best decision possible seemed a herculean task; not because I didn't have the intelligence, but because I made my decisions from my heart rather than my head.

Heart versus head, it's an age old battle, there are countless examples in literature, fiction and non-fiction. I think all of us can gives examples from out own lives, some more than others. The question I ask myself is when will I ever get it right?

My personality as a child was filled with contradictions. On the outside I was shy, painfully so, but on the inside I wanted to do and see everything! How do you reconcile those two parts of yourself? As I grew older, I knew that I should take my time and give serious thought to life's decisions, but try as I might, I would lean towards the impulses of my heart. Making decisions like that is always going to be a crap shoot, sometimes it yields a positive outcome and sometimes not.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Remnants Of An Evolution can't be tasted, smelled, touched, or heard; but it can be seen if we know where to look.  We can see the sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle trail that it leaves behind. When we still ourselves long enough, it can be felt, not by our hands, but by our souls.

Mirrors have always held a fascination for me. I have no clue why they just did. Before I was tall enough to stand and see myself in the bathroom mirror, I would shimmy up and sit on the sink. I would sit there and look at myself for what seemed like hours. I don't think it was about vanity, it was as if I was studying myself, trying to see beyond the outside of myself. I would stare into my own eyes, memorizing them, the imaginings of a child racing through my mind.

I would also watch my Mom when she would be getting dressed for work and would be looking in the mirror. In my child eyes my Mother was the most beautiful of all the Mothers on the planet! Isn't that how we think as children? As time has moved on I've watched the changes in her face and in her physical form, just as I have watched the changes in mine. I watched her once bright eyes turn slightly blood shot, the ever darkening circles under her eyes, gray  hairs, wrinkles. I'll be honest with you, I found myself thinking, "I don't want that to happen to me".

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Just a Little While Longer

Believe it or not I started this post on May 10, of this year (2016) All I had saved to the draft was the title "Just a Little While Longer". I have no clue as to what thoughts/emotions were twirling around in my head at the time. The funny thing is that I find myself, here on August 24th, three months later give or take feeling the exact same way.

Just a little while longer...I think I started saying this to myself after my ex-husband left. I can't remember if it was the same day, probably not, but more than likely within the first week or so; probably after the shock wore off and the pain really kicked in. Just a little while longer has become my mantra for when I'm "in the waiting". (In the waiting is what I like to call that place in your life where you're waiting on something or someone).  With regards to my ex, I would be thinking that in "just a little while longer" all the hurt feelings that I would would one day be gone. I knew It wasn't going to happen right away, but I also knew if I waited just a little while longer I would get there.

“For a while" is a phrase whose length can't be measured. At least by the person who's waiting.” 
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

Thursday, May 5, 2016

A Day Of Fangirling! Lovin' On Some Chayanne

Hola Mi Gente! It's been a long time since I've had a serious Chayanne Fangirl moment! Today my dear Sister Friend Corazon-Nadeshiko @Bailarinajp started sharing new Chayanne pics that she creates. They're just the right size for the background image for your phone, your FB page, your Twitter page, or you desktop. Yes Sister Gurl your original works of art are stunning! Anyhoo, it fanned the flames of my Chayanne Fangirl side. Mind you I said flames not embers, you see, I have quite a few celebrity hotties that I fancrush on, but none of them compare to the Papichulo that started it all, Chayanne.

I brought a formal end to Pandora's Caja, a fan blog dedicated to Latin Mega Star, Chayanne, but I knew that I would write about about him again. How could I not! Have you seen this man? If you haven't just take a peek at the pictures below and you will definitely see what all the fuss is about. How do I tie this in with my love of all things romance? Well, the way that I see it, readers first fall in love with the cover, and specifically the male hottie on the cover. Every time I see a  new picture or image of Chayanne surface I am more and more convinced that he should be the leading man in everyone.


Friday, April 22, 2016

The Beautiful Ones - A Personal Tribute to The One and Only Prince

There are very few things that shock me it desensitization, media overexposure, or whatever the term of the day maybe, but the news of Prince's death yesterday was totally unfreakin' believable!

While I'm not going to go as far as to say that he was the only artist that has had a profound influence in my life, I can definitely say that he was among the top three out of five.

He was my first "Big Girl Crush", Ladies you know what I'm talking about. At only 5'2'" tall, Prince packed a whole of raw sexy in that little androgynous body of his! He oozed sexuality in a way that no one else could. He made you want to take a walk on the wild side. If you were at a dance and one of his songs came on, only people who were really diggin' on each other would slow dance to Prince, because that music was pure naughty!

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I'm Just Not "THAT Girl"

Writing is my great catharsis...the instrument of choice to purge my soul. With that said, for the last few days I've had a song stuck in my head, "I Can't Make You Love Me", the original was recorded by Bonnie Raitt (Love Her!!!), but it has since then been recorded by many people, one of my favorite covers is by Adelle, and who doesn't love her?

I guess this song starting playing in a loop in my head because lately I've been wondering is finding true, long-lasing, soul scorching love is really written in my starts. Has it ever been a part of the Divine plan that has my name on it?

The earliest memory that I have of not being "THAT Girl", was the fourth grade. I remember it like it was yesterday, my first crush. It took all of my nerve to write him a note that simply said, "If you like me, check "yes" or "no". How cute is that, right?! Yea, I thought so too until he showed the note to the entire class and then checked the no box. And that my dear friends was the shadow of forethought for the rest of my life.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Grandma's Hands

My Grandmother, Annie Lizzie Hazel (left) sisters Hattie (center) Luala (right)

My Grandmother, Annie Lizzie Hazel was an incredible woman. I know most people think that their grandmothers are great, and I am no exception. Her story has been one of the most powerful influences in my life.

She was from South Carolina originally, but came to settle in Augusta Georgia, where she married, gave birth and raised my mother and her four siblings. Her husband went on to glory one day after suffering a heat stroke while working in their fields. But she had five children to take care of so she did the only thing that she could, she went to work.

 My Grandmother's life wasn't easy, which was the norm at that time. With a fifth grade education, she did what they called back then "days work", now we call them house keepers. She also worked as a cook in a restaurant in Augusta. Yes, yes, yes, my Grandmother could cook! She gave love through her food.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

For Good - A Love Letter

I have no idea what has come over me the last few days, but it started with me listening to the song For Good, from the Broadway Musical Wicked. This song is one of the few in the world that can bring me to tears every single time, and for good reason.

For Good, was the song that my twin sons, my eldest children sang at their high school graduation. If I had the words to describe to you what it felt like to see my first babies stand there and sing so beautifully. I knew from my own life experiences that their lives were about to change and this was their love letter to all of us proud parents.

So the other day as I fired up my iTunes and put the song on a loop, with tears in my eyes I started thinking of so many people that have come and gone in my life. These same people have affected my life in one way or another. Some of my relationships with these people were brief, some are ongoing. Some of my experiences with them have been so very good, and some have produced incredibly painful times...but the beautiful part of it is that all of them have changed me for good.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Everything is Political....And I Hate It. (My Personal Commentary)

I will tell you this right up front, I hate politics.

There was a professor that I had during my first two years of college, He taught Afro American Studies courses, and I was a freshman that decided to take his class called The Black Man. I be honest, I took the class because I heard it was full of really intelligent hot guys! I had no idea that would actually learn more about myself and the world that I lived in as an African American that I did in his courses. I would dare to say that He was one of the most influential teachers of my young adult life.

With that being said, one of the pieces of wisdom that he gave us is that "EVERYTHING is political". Relationships, the work place, even church! But to me the worst is the politics of our country and the world. It brings out the worst in people, not the best.

This year 2016, I can honestly say that I have never been as afraid of the outcomes of the Presidential elections as I am now. As an African American, I know all that my people have had to endure since our introduction to this country, the country that we now call home. even though we are so far removed from the slavery era, it seems that we as an American people have so far to go.

As I watch the debates, the news footage, I see the release of the bitterness, hatred and racism that has been lurking under the skin of some of America. I see politician play up the fears and anxieties of the people, people of all backgrounds. I just don't understand. Haven't we suffered enough as people, as a country? Why are we still trying to tear each other apart?

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

It's My Life And I'm Going To Live It! My Mantra For 2016

It's the beginning of 2016 and this year, I decided to do things a little bit differently than in years past. Yeah, yeah, in the past I had done the same thing a millions of other people. I made "New Years Resolutions". I've even gone so far as to purchase a journal for my resolutions so I could chronicle my progress as I went along.  And again like millions of other people by month three most of my resolutions has fallen by the wayside.

This year I decided that I was simply going to focus on becoming the best me that I can. As a single working mother of four, I have always put others before myself, my job, my children. Now that they are just about all adults, I can finally take time for me, time to fill up that which I have let go empty for far too long. Now this doesn't mean that I'm going to take on the mantle of "Dead Beat Mom", far from it.

I've been told by other women in the past, "If you don't take the time to take care of yourself and your needs, how are you going to continue to pour into others?" Or like they say on the airlines, " In the event of an emergency please place your oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting someone else." It's just starting to sink in, that all of this is true.

So where to begin? Spirit first, mind second, and body third.

I need to spend more time with God. I pray daily, and I study the word, but not as much as I should. I want to actively seek a closer relationship with God, to earnestly seek His face in all that I do, and to let Him lead me on the path that He has for me. My Mom has this saying, "Let the dead bury the dead." Let the past stay in the past, there are people that really should have been let go a long time ago.