I've always known that being a Mom is a lifetime job, but the role of a mother changes, as her children reach and progress through adulthood. That means that I have to change too right? I think that's the problem, I haven't let go.
I became a Mother for the first time at the age of 27, and now I'm 55. That means that I've been a mother for the majority of my life. I'm starting to wonder if I know how to be anything else. A very wise woman, my Mother, told me that now was my time. She said that it was time for me to start to think about myself and what I wanted out of life. Before you start to think that I'm on the verge of being a negligent Mom, my children all adults. I know that they still need me, but they don't need me to be the same mother that they've always known. They need me to be the woman, the Mother that I need to be, that God has destined me to be.
I have so much in me that I want to be, that I need to be. One f my greatest passions in life is writing; as you can see by the infrequent articles or poems that I've been writing, that I haven't tended to the embers of that passion that should be feeding the flame. The reality of it all is that I put myself last. For the last 26 years of my life I put myself last to a husband (ex), my children, my job, and a myriad of other obligations, but that's what good mothers do right? 26 years ago I was glad to do so, but now I need to give myself permission to think about me.
I need to accept that they don't need me to make dinner every night. Why? Because they can do it for themselves. They don't need me to stop drop and roll every time I think they need something! Even my kids have to me that I need to forge a life for myself, that means that I need to listen.
I need to spend time sorting through my own thoughts and emotions. I need to work on making peace with myself. I need to start feeding my soul so I can begin to let God help me to heal all of my broken places.
Stepping out into the unknown can be scary...but it can also be rewarding. I need to firmly set foot on the path and start walking one step at a time...one day at a time.
I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I'll never know if I don't look in the box. You never know..I might just like what I find.
