It's All About Me...But It's Not What You Think

When this year began, I promised myself that his would be the year that I was going to focus on me and being the best person that I could be...needless to say I'm half way through the year and I haven't made much progress.

I've always known that being a Mom is a lifetime job, but the role of a mother changes, as her children reach and progress through adulthood. That means that I have to change too right? I think that's the problem, I haven't let go.

I became a Mother for the first time at the age of 27, and now I'm 55. That means that I've been a mother for the majority of my life. I'm starting to wonder if I know how to be anything else. A very wise woman, my Mother, told me that now was my time. She said that it was time for me to start to think about myself and what I wanted out of life. Before you start to think that I'm on the verge of being a negligent Mom, my children all adults. I know that they still need me, but they don't need me to be the same mother that they've always known. They need me to be the woman, the Mother that I need to be, that God has destined me to be.

I have so much in me that I want to be, that I need to be. One f my greatest passions in life is writing; as you can see by the infrequent articles or poems that I've been writing, that I haven't tended to the embers of that passion that should be feeding the flame. The reality of it all is that I put myself last. For the last 26 years of my life I put myself last to a husband (ex), my children, my job, and a myriad of other obligations, but that's what good mothers do right? 26 years ago I was glad to do so, but now I need to give myself permission to think about me.

I need to accept that they don't need me to make dinner every night. Why? Because they can do it for themselves. They don't need me to stop drop and roll every time I think they need something! Even my kids have to me that I need to forge a life for myself, that means that I need to listen.

I need to spend time sorting through my own thoughts and emotions. I need to work on making peace with myself. I need to start feeding my soul so I can begin to let God help me to heal all of my broken places.

Stepping out into the unknown can be scary...but it can also be rewarding. I need to firmly set foot on the path and start walking one step at a time...one day at a time.

I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I'll never know if I don't look in the box. You never know..I might just like what I find.

T'is The Season - Making It Through The Holidays One More Time

It seems like just yesterday we were ringing in the New Year, and now we've just about come full circle. Everyone's in the thick of the hustle and bustle. Finishing up their gift shopping, hitting the grocery stores, making sure they have everything they need to make their favorite holiday goodies. Christmas music is playing everywhere, literally.

I used to love Christmas, please don't misunderstand, I still do, but over the years my love for it has changed. I'm trying to figure out if it feels slightly tarnished. The last six years of my life have been what could be mistaken for a Lemony Snicket's "Series of Unfortunate Events". First, separation and then divorce. Second, layoff from a job that I had for nine years (with no job in sight), and third, the passing of my Father in 2015. Most of my life has been spent loving Christmas and all that came with it. The gifts, the food and all of the merriment that  my little heart could handle. Yeah, I knew that Christmas was supposed to be about the birth of Christ. I made sure that I went to church for Christmas services, but you know it was the "let's get in and out" frame of mind that was driving my actions.

Silence Is The Loudest Word

Communication, it's one of the singular most vital components of any relationship; whether it's with your family, friends, co-workers, or a significant other. The definition of Communication that I found on Google is as follows:

com·mu·ni·ca·tion
kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSH(ə)n/Submit
noun
noun: communication
1.
the imparting or exchanging of information or news.
"direct communication between the two countries will produce greater understanding"
synonyms: transmission, conveyance, divulgence, disclosure; More
a letter or message containing information or news.
plural noun: communications
synonyms: message, statement, announcement, report, dispatch, communiqué, letter, bulletin, correspondence
"an official communication"
the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.
"there was a lack of communication between Pamela and her parents"
social contact.
"she gave him some hope of her return, or at least of their future communication"
synonyms: contact, dealings, relations, connection, association, socializing, intercourse; More
2.
means of connection between people or places, in particular.
the means of sending or receiving information, such as telephone lines or computers.
plural noun: communications
"satellite communications"
the means of traveling or of transporting goods, such as roads or railroads.
"a city providing excellent road and rail communications"
the field of study concerned with the transmission of information by various means.

Honestly I think this definition only begins to scratch the surface, but let's just start with what we've got. When I was a kid, my Father God rest his soul, had his own interpretation of communication. His version of communication involved him talking and you listening. There was never an exchange of thoughts, ideas, or feelings. It wasn't until I was an adult that we, through a series of trial and error, were able to start having real dialogue that amounted to something. And in what I didn't know were his last days amounted to so many beautiful and wonderful somethings.  But the point is that we we talked!