Friday, January 19, 2018

A Different Kind Of Lonely


"Have you ever felt really close to someone? So close that you can’t understand why you and the other person have two separate bodies, two separate skins?" – Nancy Garden

For those of you that read my writing on a regular basis you're already familiar with the melancholy tone in which my words choose to express themselves, but most times the tone belays the intent. Such is the case with this post.

Anyhoo, I was just checking out of the supermarket last night when I ran into a man that I know from church. We greeted one another as we always do, talked as we walked to our cars that then we went on our way. After I got in my car I sat there for a few minuted thinking about him. You see, a few months ago he lost his wife after graceful struggle with a terminal illness. She was one of the sweetest people that you would ever want to meet.

Flashback to the day of her funeral. He tried to be strong, but you could tell that he was broken. My heart broke for him.  A few weeks later he wanted to thank the congregation for all of the card, kind words, etc.; but it was what he said about his wife that struck a cord in me. I'm going to paraphrase because my recollection can't do his original words any justice. He said that his wife was his best friend, his lover, and his soul mate. Now, on the surface that my not sound like something that would take the Earth off it's axis, but those words, coming from an older AA man is HUGE!! You could see the sorrow in his face as he spoke to his last days with his beloved.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

2018 The Year of "NOT"

Image Cred Belongs to Tim Okamura
Like all good bloggers probably try to do, I started writing a post for the New Year. I wanted to have it finished in time to post just before we rang in 2018, but I just wasn't feeling where my post was going. As per usual I started writing about resolutions that I wanted to undertake for the next 12 months, but I wasn't satisfied. I decided to sit on my thoughts for a little while so I could write about something that I truly believed in. I decided that this was going to be the "Year of NOT".

January 1st of any given year since I have no idea when, has probably been spent with people talking about what they were going to do, but I decided that people should make this the year of what they were not going to do.

1. I WILL NOT try to change my physical appearance for the approval of any other human being other than myself - The most commonly discussed New Year's resolution is to lose weight, get in shape, anything that has to do with changing our physical form. But ask yourself are you REALLY doing it for yourself or are you doing it for someone else? I've made a promises to myself similar to this so many times that I've lost count. On the surface I convince myself that I'm doing it for health reasons, "I just want to get in shape."etc. But in reality, I think that if I looked more like the women on the cover of magazines other than the plus-size goddess that I am, that someone will find me attractive. Don't be mistaken, I do want to be what is considered a healthy weight; however, in the past I wasn't successful because my true impetus wasn't ME! This year make whatever changes you need to, just make sure you're doing it for YOU!

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

T'is The Season - Making It Through The Holidays One More Time

It seems like just yesterday we were ringing in the New Year, and now we've just about come full circle. Everyone's in the thick of the hustle and bustle. Finishing up their gift shopping, hitting the grocery stores, making sure they have everything they need to make their favorite holiday goodies. Christmas music is playing everywhere, literally.

I used to love Christmas, please don't misunderstand, I still do, but over the years my love for it has changed. I'm trying to figure out if it feels slightly tarnished. The last six years of my life have been what could be mistaken for a Lemony Snicket's "Series of Unfortunate Events". First, separation and then divorce. Second, layoff from a job that I had for nine years (with no job in sight), and third, the passing of my Father in 2015. Most of my life has been spent loving Christmas and all that came with it. The gifts, the food and all of the merriment that  my little heart could handle. Yeah, I knew that Christmas was supposed to be about the birth of Christ. I made sure that I went to church for Christmas services, but you know it was the "let's get in and out" frame of mind that was driving my actions.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Conversations With God


Hang out with me for a little bit and let me share something with you. In the Christian faith you'll often hear people talk about their prayer closet. Usually a small private place where you can study the word, pray, and spend time in fellowship with God. Prayer closets are great, and if you have a space, you should definitely make one for yourself. But there's also something to be said for looking up into the sky, beyond the clouds, knowing that out in the infinity God is there.

Since I was a very little girl I have loved being out under the open sky, any where in the great outdoors (as long as it's a place where I feel safe.) I loved it because this is where I felt most comfortable talking to God. We would talk about EVERYTHING; after all, I was taught in Sunday school that God was my friend and that I could talk to Him whenever I wanted. First, I would talk to Him when I was upset. I remember a time when I was upset with my Mom and Dad because I couldn't get a toy or something and I decided to run away from home. I went out into the yard and got a stick, then I took a scarf and packed peanut butter and crackers in it. Tied the scarf around the stick and told my Mom I was running away. I was determined! But a beautiful thing happened as I walked (mostly around the block) God spoke to my spirit, calmed me down and told me to go home. I have no idea how many times I wend round the block, but eventually I went home and told my Mom that I was sorry. All she did was hug me.