Tuesday, April 18, 2017

What Do You Want God To Do For You In Your "Singleness"?

Big question right? We all think we know what we want until someone actually asks us to verbalize our thoughts and/or feelings on the subject.

We have a singles ministry in our church, like so many other churches do. We meet once a month and discuss various topics or just hang out and fellowship. We were about to end a night of fellowship when the group facilitator walks around and asks each of us in turn, to think about the question, "What do you want God to do for you in your singleness". I sat there for minute, some what stunned. The first thing that I wanted to say would have been right on point for a Christian singles group, "I'm fine with being single! My relationship with Christ is all that I need!"....the problem was, that was a TOTAL LIE! That wasn't how I really felt AT ALL!

Here we are a few weeks later and I'm still pondering the question, "What do I want God to do for me in my singleness?" The truth is, I want him to bring me my Boaz already! Sometimes I find myself thinking how long am I going to have to wait? It's been 6 years already and I'm definitely not getting any younger.

Ok, let me give you quick and dirty re-cap of my relationship life, married for 19 years, with the same man for almost 21 years, we get divorced, I dated someone for about two years (didn't work out, it really was that rebound thing), and I've been by myself ever since. The stats are not in my favor, 52 year old, single, African American female, four children (3 of them adults, still living at home, and a 19 year old), taking care of my mother and my sister, who also live with me. Full plate right?

I was talking with my Mom about my single situation and she said to me plainly, "You have a lot of baggage. I think that will scare most men off." She didn't mean any harm, but you know, I think she's right. I also think that if God has someone that is meant for me, that my baggage and his baggage would get along just fine.

I guess if I were to break this whole single thing down into it's smallest parts it becomes a bit easier to digest. Do I want to have a special someone, yes.  Would I like to get remarried, yes.  Are these things vital to me being happy with my life? Will either of them help me to become the best person that God intends for me to be? No on both counts.

The first time I had to take a good hard look at being an over 50 single in the face, it was a tough pill to swallow. My emotions have run the gamut, from feeling like I had been somehow cursed to be single the rest of my life, to the "Who cares, I'm better off alone". Truly, I think peace falls somewhere in the middle.

Let me start by saying, singleness is NOT a curse, it's simply one of the many states of being. I am not defined by my singleness, just like I wasn't defined by being married. I think that was the majority of my initial problem, I allowed myself to be defined by being married rather than me helping to define the relationship of marriage. So when it was over, I felt bereft, void, I had very little identity; however, slowly over time and with the love and patience of God, I've grown much stronger. I'm slowly, but consistently evolving into the woman that God would have me to be.

So back to the original question, "What do I want God to do for me in my singleness?". I pray that He continues to help me love who I am in Him, that I continue to learn how to love my life (the good and the not so good); to laugh and to love.

I think that will be enough.

Much Love~

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Valentine's Day Survival For Those On The Single Tip!

So today's the day! The ONE day that's globally dedicated to what? Love! Which, by the way can be the singular worst day for someone that's single. Between all of the Happy Valentine's Day and the "Look at me and my Boo!" social media posts, those of us living on the "Single Tip" just may find ourselves fighting the urge to throw up. Be not dismayed! Valentine's Day can still be your friend.

Make Valentine's Day About Friends And Family - First let's start with the obvious, the major plot point of this particular day is love between couples, that's what has been stressed by holiday marketers every where for ages. (Ok, it does kind of go along with the very inception of the holiday and all of that, BUT it can be so much more.) Buy a box of those kiddie Valentine's Day cards and give them to your family and friends! Let them know how much you love them and give them giggle at the same time!

Plan An Outing With Other Singles - Get together with other single friends to celebrate friendship, NOT to highlight the fact that you're single. Good food, good fun, and great friendship will go a long way today and every other day. All love is not Eros love, there's also Agape love. While we might want the Eros kind, it's the Agape kind that makes the world and our lives better for sharing it.

Be Your Own Valentine - That's right! Treat yourself!! Take the day off from work, check into a Day Spa and have some serious me time. Or, one of my all time favorites, treat yourself to that pair of shoes that you've been eyeing! Some people say diamonds are a girls best friend, but I beg to differ, I say its shoes. But, that's just me. Do for you whatever floats your boat, but do something for yourself!!

Prepare Your Survival Kit - Last but not least, when all else fails make sure you have your very own survival kit prepared. What's in mine you ask!! Let's see, there are very few things in life that are better than a good romance novel, some times, just sometimes a "Book Boyfriend" is better than the real thing (They don't snore or leave dirty clothes around the house).  Second thing would be my all time favorite, a nice bottle of Marsala. What would a Valentine's Day be without a really great wine. Last but not least, my trusty blanket. That's right, tuck myself into that thing and then Houston It's A Go!!

Most of all, just remember that this day can hold no power over you other than what you give it. Don't hate on couples publicly showing their love for one another, genuinely wish them well and move on. Enjoy YOUR Valentine's Day!!!

Happy Valentine's Day and Much Love,