Silence Is The Loudest Word

Communication, it's one of the singular most vital components of any relationship; whether it's with your family, friends, co-workers, or a significant other. The definition of Communication that I found on Google is as follows:

com·mu·ni·ca·tion
kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSH(ə)n/Submit
noun
noun: communication
1.
the imparting or exchanging of information or news.
"direct communication between the two countries will produce greater understanding"
synonyms: transmission, conveyance, divulgence, disclosure; More
a letter or message containing information or news.
plural noun: communications
synonyms: message, statement, announcement, report, dispatch, communiqué, letter, bulletin, correspondence
"an official communication"
the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.
"there was a lack of communication between Pamela and her parents"
social contact.
"she gave him some hope of her return, or at least of their future communication"
synonyms: contact, dealings, relations, connection, association, socializing, intercourse; More
2.
means of connection between people or places, in particular.
the means of sending or receiving information, such as telephone lines or computers.
plural noun: communications
"satellite communications"
the means of traveling or of transporting goods, such as roads or railroads.
"a city providing excellent road and rail communications"
the field of study concerned with the transmission of information by various means.

Honestly I think this definition only begins to scratch the surface, but let's just start with what we've got. When I was a kid, my Father God rest his soul, had his own interpretation of communication. His version of communication involved him talking and you listening. There was never an exchange of thoughts, ideas, or feelings. It wasn't until I was an adult that we, through a series of trial and error, were able to start having real dialogue that amounted to something. And in what I didn't know were his last days amounted to so many beautiful and wonderful somethings.  But the point is that we we talked!

I'm Just Not "THAT Girl"

Writing is my great catharsis...the instrument of choice to purge my soul. With that said, for the last few days I've had a song stuck in my head, "I Can't Make You Love Me", the original was recorded by Bonnie Raitt (Love Her!!!), but it has since then been recorded by many people, one of my favorite covers is by Adelle, and who doesn't love her?

I guess this song starting playing in a loop in my head because lately I've been wondering is finding true, long-lasing, soul scorching love is really written in my starts. Has it ever been a part of the Divine plan that has my name on it?

The earliest memory that I have of not being "THAT Girl", was the fourth grade. I remember it like it was yesterday, my first crush. It took all of my nerve to write him a note that simply said, "If you like me, check "yes" or "no". How cute is that, right?! Yea, I thought so too until he showed the note to the entire class and then checked the no box. And that my dear friends was the shadow of forethought for the rest of my life.

For Good - A Love Letter

I have no idea what has come over me the last few days, but it started with me listening to the song For Good, from the Broadway Musical Wicked. This song is one of the few in the world that can bring me to tears every single time, and for good reason.

For Good, was the song that my twin sons, my eldest children sang at their high school graduation. If I had the words to describe to you what it felt like to see my first babies stand there and sing so beautifully. I knew from my own life experiences that their lives were about to change and this was their love letter to all of us proud parents.

So the other day as I fired up my iTunes and put the song on a loop, with tears in my eyes I started thinking of so many people that have come and gone in my life. These same people have affected my life in one way or another. Some of my relationships with these people were brief, some are ongoing. Some of my experiences with them have been so very good, and some have produced incredibly painful times...but the beautiful part of it is that all of them have changed me for good.

Standing On The Other Side Of Forever: Finding Love A Second Time

Divorce is something that is becoming more and more common as time marches on. I've had the great misfortune, or fortune depending on how you look at it, to have gone through the process myself. You can read about this process in my other blog, "46 and Starting Over, Finding Life After Divorce".

So here I am several years down the road, quickly approaching my 50th birthday, and I've been struggling with the issue of, can a person really, truly fall in love a second time? When I was a young girl, I thought that I was in love. Butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms first kisses, and then of course first heart break; I remember it all so well.  My mother gave me my first post break up pep talk. My mother said, "You will fall in and out of what you think is love many times before you find the one that is meant for you."

No I'm on the other side of what was supposed to be 'till death do us part, and I find myself wondering if I'll ever be able to be "In Love". My youngest son said to me the other day, "Mom, I think I figured out what the difference between loving someone and being "in love" are. We can love many people in different ways. Like a mother loves her children, or family loves one another. Being in love means you love that person the same as you love yourself." All this from a 16 year old.

Standing here looking back over my life I realize that I would rather be alone that to settle for anything other than real love, being in love. What I want is someone that can truly be my friend, my lover, and my covering. I know it's out there for me. I just have to have patience and faith.

In the meantime, I will immerse myself in my family, and the solace that I find in my perfect chair, a cup of coffee and a steamy romance novel ;)

Cheers~