Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I'm Just Not "THAT Girl"

Writing is my great catharsis...the instrument of choice to purge my soul. With that said, for the last few days I've had a song stuck in my head, "I Can't Make You Love Me", the original was recorded by Bonnie Raitt (Love Her!!!), but it has since then been recorded by many people, one of my favorite covers is by Adelle, and who doesn't love her?

I guess this song starting playing in a loop in my head because lately I've been wondering is finding true, long-lasing, soul scorching love is really written in my starts. Has it ever been a part of the Divine plan that has my name on it?

The earliest memory that I have of not being "THAT Girl", was the fourth grade. I remember it like it was yesterday, my first crush. It took all of my nerve to write him a note that simply said, "If you like me, check "yes" or "no". How cute is that, right?! Yea, I thought so too until he showed the note to the entire class and then checked the no box. And that my dear friends was the shadow of forethought for the rest of my life.

I guess now is as good a time as any to define just who is a "THAT Girl". A "THAT Girl" is the girl that every single guy that you know wants to be with. She walks into the room and all eyes are on her. You know what I'm talking about. Don't get me wrong, most girls and women that fit this description are really nice, there are also some that aren't, but for the most part very likable. That's what makes it  bit tough. A part of you wants to not like them, the same part of you that wishes you were them.

There's really no need for me to re-tell the tail of every episode of love requited, that would just be overkill. But needless to say, I have always felt that I faded into the background. The relationships that I did have, save one, all ended because the love that I thought I had found was merely a shade of what it should have been and the objects of my affections left me for another.

So now, I still sit on the outskirts of love, but only now there is a difference, I'm different. Life has taught me patience. Patience has taught me that there is wisdom to be learned in the the waiting. I have learned that I don't need attention from every man, I only need the love of one.

So for now at least I'll shelve the urge to run off to a nunnery to spend the rest of my days under a vow of silence and everything else. For now, I'll continue to learn myself and appreciate all that is me. Because actually I do believe that that undying, heart warming, toe curly soul scorching love is in my life's Divine plan. And if you're out there wondering the same thing, rest assured it's out there for you too.

So to all you "THAT Girls" out there, Salud! I don't need to be you, I just need to be me.

Much Love