Friday, January 19, 2018

A Different Kind Of Lonely


"Have you ever felt really close to someone? So close that you can’t understand why you and the other person have two separate bodies, two separate skins?" – Nancy Garden

For those of you that read my writing on a regular basis you're already familiar with the melancholy tone in which my words choose to express themselves, but most times the tone belays the intent. Such is the case with this post.

Anyhoo, I was just checking out of the supermarket last night when I ran into a man that I know from church. We greeted one another as we always do, talked as we walked to our cars that then we went on our way. After I got in my car I sat there for a few minuted thinking about him. You see, a few months ago he lost his wife after graceful struggle with a terminal illness. She was one of the sweetest people that you would ever want to meet.

Flashback to the day of her funeral. He tried to be strong, but you could tell that he was broken. My heart broke for him.  A few weeks later he wanted to thank the congregation for all of the card, kind words, etc.; but it was what he said about his wife that struck a cord in me. I'm going to paraphrase because my recollection can't do his original words any justice. He said that his wife was his best friend, his lover, and his soul mate. Now, on the surface that my not sound like something that would take the Earth off it's axis, but those words, coming from an older AA man is HUGE!! You could see the sorrow in his face as he spoke to his last days with his beloved.



Flash forward, I'm sitting in my car...I realized that the look I saw on his face in the market was the face of lonely, but it was a different. Loneliness is something that we're all familiar with. We've been familiarizing our self with it since we were small children. We grow up with it and we learn to cope with it. But the loneliness on his face...it was the lonely of someone who had lived the GREAT LOVE. I guess that's what stuck me and stuck with  me. He had a "Different Kind of Lonely".

A "Different Kind of Lonely" can't be filled, it will never be outgrown. It's the kind of lonely that I can only dream of. Why would I want that, why would anyone want that, because it would mean that I, you, had the great fortune of God allowing us to have the ultimate connection with another human being. They would have been our best friend, our lover, and our Soul Mate. I'm sure that if someone asked him if he would want to be rid of his "Different Kind of Lonely" he would tell them no. Because that would mean that he would in some way have to let go of his great love, and who would want to do that.

I can only describe what I feel as envy, I envy him the feeling that he bears. I can only hope that one day I...you...can feel a "Different Kind of Lonely."

Much Love,

Pandora



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