Thursday, November 26, 2015

When Your World Get's A Little Bit Smaller

"Time waits for no man", If I heard this from my mother once, I heard it from her a thousand times. She would recite this to me over and over during my childhood and my teens, when the occasion was appropriate. When you're young you really don't think about time, time passing. You feel immortal, your entire life stretching before you, seemingly endless. Then one day you look up and your 50, and you say to yourself, "Where did the time go?"

Over these last few weeks I've suffered one of the greatest losses of my life; all else pales in comparison. I lost my father. He was one of the two bedrocks of my life, the other being my mother. After my divorce, my father stepped up to the plate, not just in my life, but that of my children as well. He made sure that we wanted for nothing. I had a strong shoulder to lean on when I felt weakened by life and all that comes with it, and now he's gone.

Most of my adult life I've been able to compartmentalize my emotions; keeping my personal emotions at home, not bringing them into the workplace nor taking workplace emotions home, etc. But this, this experience has been different. The loss of a parent is so great that it's impossible to contain.



I was talking to a friend of mine who had recently lost his mother, he has already experienced the loss of his father, and this is what he said to me, "I had a terrible time with losing my dad. It took a long time, and I cried a lot. With my Mom it was a bit different. I was by her side for 16 months, and grieved along the way. There is no silver bullet in this situation. The solace is this: the fact that you are having a difficult time reinforces the fact that you loved him dearly. I think as humans, there are feelings that we have and they are there for a reason. You'll get through.  You'll never be the same. I still miss my parents every day." These words ring with nothing but truth, I loved my father dearly. We didn't always see eye to eye and his wasn't perfect, but he was mine, and yes, I feel his absence in every single day.

As sure as the sun rises and sets, I know I'll have good days as well as bad days. But I also know that God in His infinite wisdom and mercy knew that it was time for my father to go home to glory. I also know that God will give me the peace and strength to deal with whatever emotions will come my way.

My world has become just  little bit smaller, but knowing that I will see my father again someday makes it just a little bit better. I love you Daddy, and I'm going to miss you, but it isn't goodbye, it's until I see you again.

~Pandora