Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Roses and Thorns

"A rose's rarest essence lives in the thorn."     -- Rumi

You're probably assuming from the title that this post is going to be about love, more or less love unrequited, but no. This post is about the relationship between parents and their children.

Being a mother is one of the greatest joys of my life. If I could sum up all the best parts of me and my ex (yeah he did have some good in him, and I use the word "some" loosely). I liken my relationship with my children to  growing the worlds most beautiful roses. (By the way about 95% of all the known variety of roses have thorns.) What bring me to this conclusion? I'll tell you.

I may have mentioned in my writings that I have 4 children, basically they're all adults. I have 23 year old twin sons, a 21 year old daughter, and a 17 year old son. A few weeks ago I had not a class of wills with my twins, but more less a clash of personalities.

I ended up having fierce words with each of my oldest children, my twin boys. It was in a millisecond of ferocity that I saw the anger of men not boys. If you had asked me before that moment if I though I would have an occasion to have a verbal sparring like that with either of my twins, I would have said no. Man it hurt like hell, and I didn't know how to handle it, but it needed to be dealt with. We eventually worked through everything and we're good. Actually I think we're all the better for it believe it or not,

“The thorn from the bush one has planted, nourished and pruned pricks more deeply and draws more blood.” Maya Angelou

That's when I knew that they were truly grown men in their own right. That doesn't mean that they won't still look to me for help or advise, or that they don't have any maturing left to do. It just means that their mind set, their way of thinking, feeling and expressing has moved from that of a boys to that of a men.

I realized that I needed to change, to grow into the next level of parenting. I need to realize that while I will always be their mother and they will always be my children, they have ceased being little. When are kids are young, young of body and mind, they look to us for everything. The young depend on their parents for survival. But once they're able to fend for themselves that part of parenting is no longer quite as necessary. 

It's time for me to let go. To let go, stand back and be amazed at how truly beautifully they have matured in heart, spirit, and mind. 

“A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom.” Chinese Proverb  

I know ow that my boys, my young men, can and will defend themselves, their life philosophy, and those that they love. There's not much that can make prouder than that. Now I can just sit back relax and enjoy my roses, thorns and all.