57 Revolutions Around The Sun

I recently celebrated my BIRTHDAY!!! As the title of this article clearly says 57 revolutions around the sun.... man, where does the time go? My Mom used to say, and still does say, "Time waits for no man". It's taken me all this time to realize the gravitas of that statement. 

I remember all of my milestone birthdays, 13, finally a teenager. 16, now I can date! 21 I'm legal!! Then, after I turned 25 birthdays started to blur together. It felt like the passing of time sped up. It's crazy how when we're very young, we thought that people who were the age I am now were really old. Now that I AM this age I don't feel old at all! 

I feel blessed, that I woke up to see the beginning of another year of life. I've been through great times, and I've been through some extremely messed up times. But you know what, that's totally alright because everything, all of it has helped make me who I am. I'm the embodiment of an Earth Mother. I love with every fiber of my being, and when someone tries to do something foul to anyone that I love, I become the fiercest version of myself.   

So how did I spend my day? Started with a bit of TLC. I treated myself to a mani-pedi, a Starbucks Mocha Latte, and for dinner, an incredible home-cooked meal. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I enjoyed myself and that's all that matters. You see, I said all of this to get back to my first point is that time waits for no man. My children are all grown and they tell me all the time that NOW...it's my time.

I've written iterations of this theme, but this time, this year has to be the beginning of The Life Of Me. 

I don't know how much time I have left on this side of the veil, but I do know that I have so many things that I've always wanted to do, but haven't been able to. Even though I'm still working, I have more time. More time means no more excuses. 

As revolution 57 begins, I'm grateful, humbled, but most of all I am loved. Now it's time to begin...

The Life of Me!

Much Love,

Pandora Esperanza 2021

Time To Write The Vision

Then the LORD answered me and said:

“Write the vision

And make it plain on tablets,

That he may run who reads it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry. - Habakkuck 2:2,3

It was just this past Sunday, I was at church singing with the choir, and our selection for the day was a song called "Write the Vision" by Patrick Love. I'm going to tell you that EVERY TIME we sing this song it brings me to my knees. Why? Because from the first time that I heard it, I realized that my life, your life is driven by our visions (hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations).  The beauty of it is that God knows of each and every one of them, the question remains as to why He wants us to write them out.

Ever since I can remember, I have in one way or another, put my innermost thoughts and feelings into some kind of written form. Back in the day, I used to keep a diary. My very first one was a Tinkerbell Diary, with a heart shaped lock. It even came with a tiny key. I would write off and on in diaries well into my adulthood. As I became older, I would always write on the first page of every diary, "If you happen to come across these writings. Please take them in the vain that they were written. This is my catharsis. I will share my loves and losses. Please be kind."  There's only been one person that I know of that ever came across my diaries and read them, without my permission I might add. But I digress, that's a story for another day. Needless to say, I stopped writing in diaries all together.

I have found solace in being a blog writer, I love it actually, do I share my thoughts and feelings with my readers, yes; but I think that what God wants us to do is something different. I think He wants us to, write a letter to Him in which we write out  those very same hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations. After we write them I think we're meant to pray about them and then work toward their completion the best that we can. All the while knowing that in the end we will yield to Gods will and wait on his timing. BUT what ever those goals, dreams, aspirations, and desires are they need to line up with the word of God AND we have to put in the work.

My Mother always says, "All you have to do is your part, God will take care of the rest." In order to write your vision, you're required to spend time with it and think it out. Thinking it out and planning will help us to do our part.

So for 2018 I'm going to write my vision; my vision for my family, my work life, as well as my personal life. I'm going to pray about it and leave the vision of my heart at the feet of the Father so that He can run with it. Then, I'm getting to work!! It's time to make things happen people!

So as the song of the same name says, "Write the vision, make it plain;

that they may run and not faint.Though the vision is only for awhile, it shall speak and not lie.

For if the Lord said it, you can count on it; He will do just what He said. It is so, yes it so; He will do just what He said."

Much Love,

Pandora~

2018 The Year of "NOT"

Image Cred Belongs to Tim Okamura

Like all good bloggers probably try to do, I started writing a post for the New Year. I wanted to have it finished in time to post just before we rang in 2018, but I just wasn't feeling where my post was going. As per usual I started writing about resolutions that I wanted to undertake for the next 12 months, but I wasn't satisfied. I decided to sit on my thoughts for a little while so I could write about something that I truly believed in. I decided that this was going to be the "Year of NOT".

January 1st of any given year since I have no idea when, has probably been spent with people talking about what they were going to do, but I decided that people should make this the year of what they were not going to do.

1. I WILL NOT try to change my physical appearance for the approval of any other human being other than myself - The most commonly discussed New Year's resolution is to lose weight, get in shape, anything that has to do with changing our physical form. But ask yourself are you REALLY doing it for yourself or are you doing it for someone else? I've made a promises to myself similar to this so many times that I've lost count. On the surface I convince myself that I'm doing it for health reasons, "I just want to get in shape."etc. But in reality, I think that if I looked more like the women on the cover of magazines other than the plus-size goddess that I am, that someone will find me attractive. Don't be mistaken, I do want to be what is considered a healthy weight; however, in the past I wasn't successful because my true impetus wasn't ME! This year make whatever changes you need to, just make sure you're doing it for YOU!

T'is The Season - Making It Through The Holidays One More Time

It seems like just yesterday we were ringing in the New Year, and now we've just about come full circle. Everyone's in the thick of the hustle and bustle. Finishing up their gift shopping, hitting the grocery stores, making sure they have everything they need to make their favorite holiday goodies. Christmas music is playing everywhere, literally.

I used to love Christmas, please don't misunderstand, I still do, but over the years my love for it has changed. I'm trying to figure out if it feels slightly tarnished. The last six years of my life have been what could be mistaken for a Lemony Snicket's "Series of Unfortunate Events". First, separation and then divorce. Second, layoff from a job that I had for nine years (with no job in sight), and third, the passing of my Father in 2015. Most of my life has been spent loving Christmas and all that came with it. The gifts, the food and all of the merriment that  my little heart could handle. Yeah, I knew that Christmas was supposed to be about the birth of Christ. I made sure that I went to church for Christmas services, but you know it was the "let's get in and out" frame of mind that was driving my actions.

I'm Just Not "THAT Girl"

Writing is my great catharsis...the instrument of choice to purge my soul. With that said, for the last few days I've had a song stuck in my head, "I Can't Make You Love Me", the original was recorded by Bonnie Raitt (Love Her!!!), but it has since then been recorded by many people, one of my favorite covers is by Adelle, and who doesn't love her?

I guess this song starting playing in a loop in my head because lately I've been wondering is finding true, long-lasing, soul scorching love is really written in my starts. Has it ever been a part of the Divine plan that has my name on it?

The earliest memory that I have of not being "THAT Girl", was the fourth grade. I remember it like it was yesterday, my first crush. It took all of my nerve to write him a note that simply said, "If you like me, check "yes" or "no". How cute is that, right?! Yea, I thought so too until he showed the note to the entire class and then checked the no box. And that my dear friends was the shadow of forethought for the rest of my life.

For Good - A Love Letter

I have no idea what has come over me the last few days, but it started with me listening to the song For Good, from the Broadway Musical Wicked. This song is one of the few in the world that can bring me to tears every single time, and for good reason.

For Good, was the song that my twin sons, my eldest children sang at their high school graduation. If I had the words to describe to you what it felt like to see my first babies stand there and sing so beautifully. I knew from my own life experiences that their lives were about to change and this was their love letter to all of us proud parents.

So the other day as I fired up my iTunes and put the song on a loop, with tears in my eyes I started thinking of so many people that have come and gone in my life. These same people have affected my life in one way or another. Some of my relationships with these people were brief, some are ongoing. Some of my experiences with them have been so very good, and some have produced incredibly painful times...but the beautiful part of it is that all of them have changed me for good.

Fake It Till You Make It - Getting Through Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day, the day when all around the world people are celebrating love in all it's forms. We are indoctrinated to the ways of this celebrated day of love with the same earnestness that we are taught about Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. Primary school students harass their mothers to buy Valentine's Day cards (You know the little ones that you give out to EVERYONE in your class), mothers everywhere are sitting up making sure that they have counted their child's classmates several times over just to make sure they don't miss anyone.

Inevitably the time comes when you realize that for the first time there is that special someone in your class that you don't want to give the "regular" Valentine to. You want to give them that "special" Valentine, the one that says, "Will you be mine?" and you meant it! Or better yet, for them to give that special Valentine to you.