It's All About Me...But It's Not What You Think

When this year began, I promised myself that his would be the year that I was going to focus on me and being the best person that I could be...needless to say I'm half way through the year and I haven't made much progress.

I've always known that being a Mom is a lifetime job, but the role of a mother changes, as her children reach and progress through adulthood. That means that I have to change too right? I think that's the problem, I haven't let go.

I became a Mother for the first time at the age of 27, and now I'm 55. That means that I've been a mother for the majority of my life. I'm starting to wonder if I know how to be anything else. A very wise woman, my Mother, told me that now was my time. She said that it was time for me to start to think about myself and what I wanted out of life. Before you start to think that I'm on the verge of being a negligent Mom, my children all adults. I know that they still need me, but they don't need me to be the same mother that they've always known. They need me to be the woman, the Mother that I need to be, that God has destined me to be.

I have so much in me that I want to be, that I need to be. One f my greatest passions in life is writing; as you can see by the infrequent articles or poems that I've been writing, that I haven't tended to the embers of that passion that should be feeding the flame. The reality of it all is that I put myself last. For the last 26 years of my life I put myself last to a husband (ex), my children, my job, and a myriad of other obligations, but that's what good mothers do right? 26 years ago I was glad to do so, but now I need to give myself permission to think about me.

I need to accept that they don't need me to make dinner every night. Why? Because they can do it for themselves. They don't need me to stop drop and roll every time I think they need something! Even my kids have to me that I need to forge a life for myself, that means that I need to listen.

I need to spend time sorting through my own thoughts and emotions. I need to work on making peace with myself. I need to start feeding my soul so I can begin to let God help me to heal all of my broken places.

Stepping out into the unknown can be scary...but it can also be rewarding. I need to firmly set foot on the path and start walking one step at a time...one day at a time.

I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I'll never know if I don't look in the box. You never know..I might just like what I find.

Time To Write The Vision

Then the LORD answered me and said:

“Write the vision

And make it plain on tablets,

That he may run who reads it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry. - Habakkuck 2:2,3

It was just this past Sunday, I was at church singing with the choir, and our selection for the day was a song called "Write the Vision" by Patrick Love. I'm going to tell you that EVERY TIME we sing this song it brings me to my knees. Why? Because from the first time that I heard it, I realized that my life, your life is driven by our visions (hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations).  The beauty of it is that God knows of each and every one of them, the question remains as to why He wants us to write them out.

Ever since I can remember, I have in one way or another, put my innermost thoughts and feelings into some kind of written form. Back in the day, I used to keep a diary. My very first one was a Tinkerbell Diary, with a heart shaped lock. It even came with a tiny key. I would write off and on in diaries well into my adulthood. As I became older, I would always write on the first page of every diary, "If you happen to come across these writings. Please take them in the vain that they were written. This is my catharsis. I will share my loves and losses. Please be kind."  There's only been one person that I know of that ever came across my diaries and read them, without my permission I might add. But I digress, that's a story for another day. Needless to say, I stopped writing in diaries all together.

I have found solace in being a blog writer, I love it actually, do I share my thoughts and feelings with my readers, yes; but I think that what God wants us to do is something different. I think He wants us to, write a letter to Him in which we write out  those very same hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations. After we write them I think we're meant to pray about them and then work toward their completion the best that we can. All the while knowing that in the end we will yield to Gods will and wait on his timing. BUT what ever those goals, dreams, aspirations, and desires are they need to line up with the word of God AND we have to put in the work.

My Mother always says, "All you have to do is your part, God will take care of the rest." In order to write your vision, you're required to spend time with it and think it out. Thinking it out and planning will help us to do our part.

So for 2018 I'm going to write my vision; my vision for my family, my work life, as well as my personal life. I'm going to pray about it and leave the vision of my heart at the feet of the Father so that He can run with it. Then, I'm getting to work!! It's time to make things happen people!

So as the song of the same name says, "Write the vision, make it plain;

that they may run and not faint.Though the vision is only for awhile, it shall speak and not lie.

For if the Lord said it, you can count on it; He will do just what He said. It is so, yes it so; He will do just what He said."

Much Love,

Pandora~