Let The Circle Be Unbroken

"Let the circle be unbroken by and by Lord by and by". It's been too long since I've written a blog post, but life is what it is. I am here with heavy thoughts on my mind not heavy because they're bad, heavy because they are inevitable. The other day, I was giving my mom a bath. I prepare the tub and all the little accouterments that go with it.  Mind you, I'm working from home, trying to balance work and home life. I run the bathtub nice and warm, with bubbles. My Mom needs a bath chair so I put that in the tub making sure that the water's not too high. I call my Mom and tell her that the bath is ready. She's still able to get into the tub on her own. She takes her phone into the bathroom with her so when she's ready for me to wash her hair she gives me a call. After a while I get a phone call on my cell, it's my Mom telling me she's ready. I stop whatever it is that I'm doing and make my way to the bathroom, ready to wash her hair... (Just so you know, the only thing that's hard to stop to take care of my Mom is a meeting, but everything else comes second to her) It's hard for her because she can't really lean back in the bath chair. it's hard for her to tilt her head back for me, But she does the very best she can. While I'm washing her hair a warmth spreads over me. And my spirit... she starts speaking to God.  I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father, for the privilege of taking care of my mother, with the same love and care that she gave taking care of me. It's just at this moment, that she tells me to scrub a little harder and dig a little deeper. She wants to feel like her scalp is getting clean! I want to make sure that I'm not hurting her, but I do as she asks. Actually, I would do anything that my Mom asks me to do whenever she asks me to do it. You see,  I'm grateful, I'm blessed, thankful for every day that she's with me... that God has allowed me to be able to take care of her, in her sunset as she took care of me in my dawn. In my heart, I want my mother to be with me forever, but I know that that's not going to be the case. You see, we all have an appointed time when we will leave this place,  and transition from here to the next life. So it's a blessing to be able to sit here and help my Mom take a bath, wash her hair,  and afterward take care of her feet.  I'm 57 my mother is 88. I now know what that beautiful hymn means... "Let the circle be unbroken by-and-by Lord by-and-by..."  The way that I love and care for my mother, I hope that someday my children will love and care for me, and then their children for them, and so on and so forth. THAT is the circle. The circle that we hope for and pray for. THAT is family. I have no clue how much longer my mother will be on the side of the veil. But however long it may be, I'll be here.  To run her bath water, help her take a bath, to wash her hair, to laugh with her, to share a meal with her, or just sit in silence keeping company. So I encourage you, whoever you love, who whoever you need to care for, care for them while you have them. Give them their flowers while they're living, and cherish every moment. 

Much love,

Pandora Esperanza

57 Revolutions Around The Sun

I recently celebrated my BIRTHDAY!!! As the title of this article clearly says 57 revolutions around the sun.... man, where does the time go? My Mom used to say, and still does say, "Time waits for no man". It's taken me all this time to realize the gravitas of that statement. 

I remember all of my milestone birthdays, 13, finally a teenager. 16, now I can date! 21 I'm legal!! Then, after I turned 25 birthdays started to blur together. It felt like the passing of time sped up. It's crazy how when we're very young, we thought that people who were the age I am now were really old. Now that I AM this age I don't feel old at all! 

I feel blessed, that I woke up to see the beginning of another year of life. I've been through great times, and I've been through some extremely messed up times. But you know what, that's totally alright because everything, all of it has helped make me who I am. I'm the embodiment of an Earth Mother. I love with every fiber of my being, and when someone tries to do something foul to anyone that I love, I become the fiercest version of myself.   

So how did I spend my day? Started with a bit of TLC. I treated myself to a mani-pedi, a Starbucks Mocha Latte, and for dinner, an incredible home-cooked meal. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I enjoyed myself and that's all that matters. You see, I said all of this to get back to my first point is that time waits for no man. My children are all grown and they tell me all the time that NOW...it's my time.

I've written iterations of this theme, but this time, this year has to be the beginning of The Life Of Me. 

I don't know how much time I have left on this side of the veil, but I do know that I have so many things that I've always wanted to do, but haven't been able to. Even though I'm still working, I have more time. More time means no more excuses. 

As revolution 57 begins, I'm grateful, humbled, but most of all I am loved. Now it's time to begin...

The Life of Me!

Much Love,

Pandora Esperanza 2021

Looking Ahead, Not Behind; 2020 In Review

It's been over a year and a half since I've written in the blog...sad. I don't really have a reason that I can articulate. I just haven't felt like writing. CRAZY RIGHT! I've spent the better part of the last 15 years writing one thing or another, in one venue or another, with my writing focus on this or that. But for some reason, for the longest time I haven't been inspired to put thought to paper. 

But tonight at the end of 2020, the singularly most transformative year in the lives of most people, I feel the need to get back to one of the things that I love most in the world. One of the few things in which I take solace, writing.

Little did we know when we rung in 2020 last year at this same time, that we would be facing one of the most life threatening years that our country and this world would experience. 2020 has been the year of the unexpected. We didn't expect our entire way of living to be changed by a tiny virus called Covid-19 that wreaked havoc, not only on us as individuals, but the world at large. 

The hardest part hasn't been not beeing able to go to the mall, restaurants, or hanging out here and there. The hardest part has been the lack of human touch. Hand shakes have become rare and hugs have become all but extinct. 

This time last year, I didn't think know that this would be the year that we would be privy to a front row seat in what would become the greatest test of the strenghth of democracy in the United States....the land of the free and the home of the brave. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearing to breathe free....

Even in the midst of all that, I'm able to praise God for the blessings that He's given me and my family. He blessed me to be able to work from home when so many people had to leave their jobs because Covid 19 had shut them down, or they had to choose between going to work and staying home with their children who were now being home schooled because of the virus. In the mids of all of this, God blessed me with a promotion at my job that I've been working on for the last two years. 

But most of all, in the midst of all of this my family and I are still here! There are so many people that didn't make it to see 2021. 

I'm praising God in advance for all of the things that He's going to do in the up coming year!

I'm not going to worry you with my personal goals for the up coming year because I feel as if for the first time in a very long time my goals truly are personal. (Love you though *wink*)

As I sit in my kitchen finishing up our New Year's feast of the obligatory collard greens, black eyed peas, and fried fish, I simply want to wish anyone that happens to read this a prospersous, happy, and healthy new year. Keep your joy, the world doesn't give it and world doesn't take it away. 

And as my beloved Grandmother used to say, "Keep the good Lord in front of you!"

Happy New Year, with much love,

Pandora Esperanza

It's All About Me...But It's Not What You Think

When this year began, I promised myself that his would be the year that I was going to focus on me and being the best person that I could be...needless to say I'm half way through the year and I haven't made much progress.

I've always known that being a Mom is a lifetime job, but the role of a mother changes, as her children reach and progress through adulthood. That means that I have to change too right? I think that's the problem, I haven't let go.

I became a Mother for the first time at the age of 27, and now I'm 55. That means that I've been a mother for the majority of my life. I'm starting to wonder if I know how to be anything else. A very wise woman, my Mother, told me that now was my time. She said that it was time for me to start to think about myself and what I wanted out of life. Before you start to think that I'm on the verge of being a negligent Mom, my children all adults. I know that they still need me, but they don't need me to be the same mother that they've always known. They need me to be the woman, the Mother that I need to be, that God has destined me to be.

I have so much in me that I want to be, that I need to be. One f my greatest passions in life is writing; as you can see by the infrequent articles or poems that I've been writing, that I haven't tended to the embers of that passion that should be feeding the flame. The reality of it all is that I put myself last. For the last 26 years of my life I put myself last to a husband (ex), my children, my job, and a myriad of other obligations, but that's what good mothers do right? 26 years ago I was glad to do so, but now I need to give myself permission to think about me.

I need to accept that they don't need me to make dinner every night. Why? Because they can do it for themselves. They don't need me to stop drop and roll every time I think they need something! Even my kids have to me that I need to forge a life for myself, that means that I need to listen.

I need to spend time sorting through my own thoughts and emotions. I need to work on making peace with myself. I need to start feeding my soul so I can begin to let God help me to heal all of my broken places.

Stepping out into the unknown can be scary...but it can also be rewarding. I need to firmly set foot on the path and start walking one step at a time...one day at a time.

I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I'll never know if I don't look in the box. You never know..I might just like what I find.